nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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