I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
