I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
