Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
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I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
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I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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