You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
