Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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