I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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