I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
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i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
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I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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