he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
