the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
