Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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