Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
