I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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