Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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