i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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