i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
