Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
