I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
