And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
