I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
