Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
