I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
