drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
