he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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