I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
