high people should be assigned attendants
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
you made out with another girl for some wings
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
