im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
