I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
