oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
