After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
