Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
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My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
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There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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