After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
