I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
