Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I have fence marks all over my body
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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