is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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