Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
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i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize