The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
