Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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