Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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