you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
