I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
