So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Randomize
