Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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