The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
When are your genitals available?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
