is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
