You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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