she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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