Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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