i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
