thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
