barbara walters just said penis...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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