You're so nebulous sometimes
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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