soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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