I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
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He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
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i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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