I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
