Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
