Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
