I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
