I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
