You're earring is so big in my mouth
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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