I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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