You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
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