I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
