Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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