I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
