Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
