The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
