A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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